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Archive for July, 2013

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A Duet:  A composition between two people: Let it be of love and a relationship webbed tight like our DNA.

She is four. I look at her and I see the blank slate…I see the purity and innocence of a good and perfect gift, untouched and untainted by the world. She is a child, and so she rushes through life with unbound joy, with little fear, experiencing, trying to stretch the boundaries.

I am to be her guide as she shines her light on this world and her guide, as also, in time, this world threatens to swallow her whole with all of its darkness. No small task.

What if I fail?

She watches me. Her eyes follow as I teach her and her reactions apply what I have modeled. We are symbiotic: she brings me the greatest of joys and I clumsily scuff out the misbehavior, the strong-willed leanings of a four year old, helping her to learn His love, extending her all of mine.

Is there enough? Enough in all that I show her…teach her. I am to her, the teacher and the doer of The Word, the mother whose primary task is to love her unconditionally.

I want to protect her always. I want to shield her from all the darkness because I know for her to pierce through she will have to walk through it…the darkness of the world. When she is called out I will have to trust because it will not be for me to be the bushel that hides her lamp.

My life finds me rushing…always running to the next thing. She is my oldest and I sling responsibilities and expectations at her. I’m afraid of missing our duet…the story that she and I are supposed to be creating together. My loving her never stops, but its cultivation often gets swept aside …making room for other urgent, time devouring needs. So how can I make time to be the best part of her life song that I can be?

For now,

It is making the time to know her. I want to encourage and love her developing personality: take an interest in her interests…my four year old dinosaur loving girl.

It is affirming her qualities of excellence…she is the best big sister to her baby sister that she can possibly be, and to encourage her developing qualities. She needs to be positively praised…to hear me say it.

I want to build her confidence…teaching her she doesn’t have to conform to fit and that she is precious in both His sight and in mine.

It is for her to see me putting my faith into action. She needs to see me doing the right and Godly things. She needs to see me be a servant.

It is for me to be patient with her. It is too easy for me to make her my battering ram…she is the oldest and somehow that makes her a target for my impatience.

It is for me to use wisdom as I train her. This one takes me crying out daily as I struggle to find discipline tailored to each child and their needs.

It is for me to share her life song…to take time for the afternoon tea party she asked me for, to listen to her story, to play baby dolls with her, to make her feel as special as she really is.

This is all just a reminder to myself to remember to take the time and not to miss out on our time…time that slips away so fast. A reminder to be the mother who guides her daughter as she begins composing her song so that as time passes the life-words that fill up her slate are words such as these…

Christ, Servant, Love, Faith, Humility, Courage, Forgiveness

May the words of her life be a love song to Him.

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Our afternoon tea party.

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